i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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