obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
