my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
