do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
