first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
