Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
