how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
