I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
