I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Someone shit on the floor
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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