She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
