Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
