So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
