please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have fence marks all over my body
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
