Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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