Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
