I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
