It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
