woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
