she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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