I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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