Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
