Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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