Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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