Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
