i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
