It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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