I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
