well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
