3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
