I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
