Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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