In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
