Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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