Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
