Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
