so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
