I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
