Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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