Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
