We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
