I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
