omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
