If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
