Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
