So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
