I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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