I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
