I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
