idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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