the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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