dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
