Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
