Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
