I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
