I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
