It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
