There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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