you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
