I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
