I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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