she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
