fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
