I think scott just propositioned me for sex
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize