So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
