so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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