we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The uberlube is also flammable
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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