I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize