Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
